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Fall is a great time to cuddle up with a new book, and Stop Wrecking My Home: How to Come Out of a Broken Marriage in One Piece by Lauren McKinley was a wonderful read!
From the first sentence of Stop Wrecking My Home: How to Come Out of a Broken Marriage in One Piece, Lauren McKinley drew us into her tale. She weaves a turn-paging story of what it was like to go through a marriage affected by adultery as a young mother and how she came out of it a better person. Her modern take exposes the reality that is the “normal” American family. Lauren provides a realistic view of her life and marriage and uses her storytelling ability to drill down on her message to her readers. The book is equally equipped to help spouses who are working through a marriage broken by infidelity as it is for people who have decided to separate or divorce from it. Lauren’s greatest hope seems to be for couples to work through the challenges that can attack a marriage – even if she ultimately had to accept the loss of her own.
Her tale explains in vivid detail how much hope she had for her marriage and how great things were at first while acknowledging that there were probably red flags that she – like all of us – dismissed because they interfered with her idea of a happy relationship and marriage. She continues her story, stating in vivid detail how she found out her husband had cheated on her. After initially demanding that her husband leave the household due to the “disrespect” he showed her, she bought into his symbolic pleas to rebuild their marriage and gave it another chance.
She serves as a beacon of hope as she describes in detail the fight that she made for her marriage. She discusses the individual work that she did to try to get her husband to fall back in love with her. She discusses going to counseling together with him and going to a private retreat to revitalize their marriage. She talks about getting her own counseling, learning how to focus on her own wellbeing and how she turned to her faith and hoped that it would be enough to change her husband and to reestablish their marriage.
Lauren walks us down her path of forgiveness – of her husband and his mistress. She explains the hold that anger and resentment have on another person and how forgiveness releases the person from these negative emotions. She freely talks about the emotional turmoil she endured until coming out of the situation as a stronger person. Lauren’s ability to share so openly is admirable, especially considering the personal turmoil she endured and told about in her book. Although Lauren was devastated, she quickly learned to refocus her energy on what she did have control over – such as her reaction to her husband’s affair.
Lauren delivers blunt and direct advice to readers. She cuts through the emotions and explains the importance of focusing on the importance of self-healing and the family. She gives a realistic outlook of a family going through crisis and the importance of dropping the act and attempts at being perfect. Her book also gives the reader permission to block out the naysayers and their judgments. It also reminds the reader that they never really know what obstacles others may be encountering and the importance of showing grace toward the rest of humanity. She often outlines her advice in easy-to-read chunks, such as numbered or bulleted lists like explaining the ability to function at work during a divorce by not checking divorce-related messages at work, using work as a mental escape and keeping your life private.
She also delivers practical advice on how to get through divorce and the time after it. She details the importance of finding trusted confidantes as well as identifying the person who can best meet your emotional needs or other needs for a particular purpose. Her focus on family continues through to the end of her text, explaining common divorce mistakes and how parents can effectively avoid the negative consequences that often follow the children of divorce.
Despite going through difficult times, Lauren’s book also provides an optimistic view for people in the trenches of divorce. However, she never lets the reader off the hook, continually pushing the reader to fight for their marriage and the vows they made. She discusses the hard work behind making a broken marriage whole again and the importance of rebuilding trust after betrayal. At the same time, she is real with letting readers know when it is time to pull the plug and when she ultimately had to make this decision for herself.
Lauren makes no attempt to show that she is infallible. In fact, she readily identifies the mistakes she made that may have contributed to the affair, her judgmental attitude, her insecurity and her human vices. However, she refuses to accept that any of these traits are the reason behind her unfaithful husband walking out of the marriage. And she’s right. Like a line in her book says, you can’t go outside the marriage to fix the marriage.
Lauren simultaneously acknowledges the hurt she experienced while realizing that it was still her job to encourage a positive relationship between her child and her former husband. The book concludes with the realization that divorced spouses must reshape their relationship so that they can focus on creating a “healthy blended family.” She aptly states, “Remember, your child knows that he/she is made up of both of you. If you are talking so negatively about half of them, they will start doubting their worth and self-esteem.” Her insight allowed her to develop a positive relationship with her own ex and move past the pain of the betrayal of infidelity as she marches toward a surprise ending.
The practical and seasoned advice that Lauren offers makes her book a must-read for anybody who has been faced with the daunting nature of being betrayed by an unfaithful partner.
By this book on Amazon today!