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Few people look back on their divorce fondly. Divorce is one of the most taxing of life’s experiences. It is challenging, ugly, and personal. Your entire life shifts — not just your marital status. Even when divorce is something with which you were familiar, the realities that come with it are unpredictable.
Yet, when the dust settles, you will find that many wonderful things emerged from your divorce. You lose a spouse but you gain so much more. As you re-identify yourself, ponder the positives of your post-divorce life.
- Divorce gives you a new lease on life.
Divorce provides a sense of hope — the hope to be happy, the hope to become who you want to be, and the hope to find someone else to whom to give your love. Devote your energy to other important areas of your life.
- Divorce is better than staying in an unhealthy marriage.
Life is too short to cling to the security of a stale or unstable marriage. This is especially true if you and your ex-spouse have young children in the midst of their formative years. They will observe and emulate the types of relationships you have. Trade your bad marriage in for a relationship bursting with happiness, health, and mutual respect.
- Divorce clears a path for you to meet the right partner.
You deserve a partner who is equally invested in achieving the relationship you desire. While divorce is an excellent opportunity to focus on yourself, we all deserve to be loved. There may come a time when you find someone who is able to give you what your ex-spouse could not. Be open to finding a partner who honors your relationship as sacred and a priority.
Life is full of surprises. New relationships can develop in the most unexpected of places. Frequently, divorce awakens parts of you that lay dormant or altogether undiscovered, and this might attract new partners. Be prepared to once again experience butterflies and fireworks!
- You can focus on yourself for once.
Learn to appreciate the wonderful attributes that make you you. You no longer need to answer to anyone (except maybe your children), and you need consult only yourself when it comes to making decisions. Take time for yourself, do what you love, and don’t worry about anyone else for a small while. Your time is entirely yours!
Rediscover an appreciation for life that you may have neglected during your marriage. Rather than focusing your energy on a relationship that no longer works, put that energy into yourself. Your personal goals are no longer on the back burner. Build upon the once strong, independent person you lost along the way.
There is a vast different between loneliness and solitude. Replace the pain of loneliness with the freedom of being alone. Be rid of the feelings that come from being with the wrong person.
- It’s over.
The battle that became your marriage and the turmoil that was the subsequent divorce are over. You knew you had to keep moving forward and now the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter than ever. Now that it’s over, there’s no looking back — no more fighting, no more battles, no more blame or shame.
- You get the whole bed to yourself.
Say goodbye to blanket hogs. Every side of the bed is your side. Sleep sideways or upside-down! Adjust to the symbolic power of never having to share your bed (unless you choose to bend the rules for children or pets).
Savor the freedom from constant fighting and compromises and welcome the cease-fire. If your marriage was high conflict, enjoy the exhilaration of no longer having to walk on eggshells. Now both you and your ex-spouse can grow and achieve the life you want and deserve. You are free to pursue sanity and happiness.
- Purge the ugly.
Sayonara to your ex-spouse’s tacky framed portrait of costumed dogs playing poker.
- You smile more.
With your unhappy marriage in the rearview, ask yourself when was the last time you smiled? When was the last time you considered yourself truly happy? Your marriage was draining and the fight took a lot out of you. After a brief recovery period, you won’t be able to help but smile.
Your marriage consumed more than just your emotions and energy — it also consumed your time and attention. You can now spend ample time with friends and family. Use you freer schedule and mind to reconnect with friends and seek the comfort of family.
- No more in-laws.
Chances are they didn’t take your side in the divorce. Relish in the realization that you no longer have to listen to your mother-in-law.
- Being a part-time parent has its perks.
Getting to be off the clock gives you a lot of free time. Live like a bachelor(ette) one weekend, then win ‘Parent of the Year’ the next.
The cloud of stress surrounding you and your marriage has dissipated. The stress may have caused you to fall short in the parenting department. Perhaps you were short and bitter when your strained marriage got the better of you. You are no longer coming home to your estranged ex-spouse and a tense environment. Being recently liberated, you can be the parent your children deserve. Use your divorce as a bonding opportunity. Even if you see your children less, divorce can make you and your children closer than ever before.
- No more hiding.
You may have hid the nature of your unhappy marriage from others. You may have worn a false smile and played the role of content couple. Hiding the reality of your divorce is exhausting. Find relief in living in truth. Be as open as you feel comfortable about what went wrong. You no longer have to pretend to be something you’re not.
Think of yourself as a phoenix that has risen from the ashes.