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A huge number of children encounter the worry of separation/divorce each and every year. How they respond relies upon their age, identity, the conditions of the detachment, and how the is separation handled. It’s important to know that separation will influence the children involved. It’s common for them to respond with acting out.
The most crucial things that the two guardians can do to help kids through this troubling time are:
- Keep adult conversations away from the children.
- Limit the interruptions to your child’s everyday schedules.
- Focus on them, they need you the most right now.
- Don’t talk about the other parent in a negative way to or around your children.
- Keep each parent required in the children’s lives.
- Ask them how they feel, and let them express themselves freely.
Breaking the News
In spite of the fact that there’s no simple approach to break the news, it’s ideal to have both parents there for this discussion. It’s essential to attempt to leave sentiments of outrage, blame, or fault out of it. Practice how will oversee telling your children so you don’t end up noticeably agitated during the discussion. The conversation should fit the kid’s age, development, and demeanor. Be that as it may, it ought to dependably incorporate this message: What happened is amongst mother and father and is not the child’s fault. Most children will feel they’re at fault even after guardians have said that they’re definitely not. So it’s fundamental for guardians to continue giving this consolation.
Tell your children that occasionally grown-ups change the way they adore each other or can’t concede to things thus they need to live separated. Be that as it may, advise them that children and guardians are entwined forever, by birth or reception. Guardians and children frequently don’t concede to things, yet that is a piece of the hover of life — guardians and children don’t quit adoring each other or get separated from each other.
Make sure you tell the children that you recognize and care about their feelings, and reassure them that all of their upset feelings are perfectly OK and understandable. You might say: “I know this is very upsetting for you. Can we try to think of something that would make you feel better?” or “We both love you and are sorry that we have to live apart.”
Not all kids react right away. Let yours know that’s OK, too, and that you can talk when they’re ready. Some kids try to please their parents by acting as if everything is fine or try to avoid any difficult feelings by denying that they feel any anger or sadness at the news. Sometimes stress comes out in other ways — at school, or with friends, or in changes to their appetite, behavior or sleep patterns.
Here are some ways to help kids cope with the traumatic event of a divorce:
- Encourage honesty. Kids need to know that their feelings are important to their parents and that they’ll be taken seriously.
- Help them put their feelings into words. Kids’ behavior can often clue you into their feelings of sadness or anger. Be a good listener, even if it’s difficult for you to hear what they have to say.
- Legitimize their feelings. Saying “I know you feel sad now” or “I know it feels lonely without dad here” lets kids know that their feelings are valid. It’s important to encourage kids to get it all out before you start offering ways to make it better. Let kids know it’s also OK to feel happy or relieved or excited about the future.
- Offer support. Ask, “What do you think will help you feel better?” They might not be able to name something, but you can suggest a few ideas — maybe just to sit together, take a walk, or hold a favorite stuffed animal. Younger kids might especially appreciate an offer to call daddy on the phone or to make a picture to give to mommy when she comes at the end of the day.
Divorce can be a major crisis for a family. However, if you and your former spouse can work together and communicate civilly for the benefit of your children, the original family unit can continue to be a source of strength, even if stepfamilies enter the picture.
So remember to:
- Get help dealing with your own painful feelings about the divorce. If you’re able to adjust, your kids will be more likely to do so, too.
- Be patient with yourself and with your child. Emotional concerns, loss, and hurt following divorce take the time to heal and this often happens in phases.
- Recognize the signs of stress. Consult your kids’ teachers, doctor, or a child therapist for guidance on how to handle specific problems you’re concerned about.
Changes of any kind are hard — know that you and your kids can and will adjust to this one. Finding your inner strength and getting help to learn new coping skills are hard work but can make a big difference to helping your family get through this difficult time.